


Cola Got Back

by Holy_Leonards_After_Dark (Holy_Leonards)



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Billy The Mountain, DiMA's Literature, Her - Freeform, Literature, M/M, Open ended, enema, sex advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:10:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6997156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards_After_Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danse is experiencing problems much like Nick did with orgasms, so, they consult DiMA's all powerful literature to find a cure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cola Got Back

“Nick, your brother is quite the author,” stated an irked Danse, thick, bushy caterpil- _eyebrow_ twitching.

 

Nick looked the cover over: _The Synth Truth: Gen 3 Issues and How to Solve Them_.

 

“So?”

 

Danse opened the book, pointing to the dedications.

 

_Special thanks to my sexy brother. Love ya, Bitch._

 

“Nothing strange there.”

 

“No!” Danse insisted. “Keep reading.”

 

_Also, extra special thanks to Nick's boyfriend, Nate. And Nate's other boyfriend, Danse. Without those two, I would have never_ _heard of 'postmature ejaculations' and how surprisingly common they are amongst Gen 3 synth men._

_P.S. Faraday never had that problem lol._

 

Nick cocked his head, metal spine making an awful creaking noise. “Postmature ejaculations?”

 

“Danse is as red as a tomato! Ve~”

 

Nick's glowing eyes snapped to the annoyance. It was... _her_. _Again_! The light from Nick's eyes shined off her braces, blinding him.

 

“Listen, I told you! You aren't old enough to play this game! Get out!”

 

“I may be 15, but I'm mature enough to play an M rated game! And! You have to help me find my son!”

 

Danse looked confused. “Son?”

 

“What is this? The 1920s? Yes, I have a son. But, Nick, I'm confused. Why is your brother writing about this? Isn't he like you? You know, dickless.”

 

“Nick has a di-”

 

Nick interrupted Danse, “Please!” He was near tears, begging. “Please, leave me alone. Stop thinking about my privates. I am not going to jail because you're obsessed with me!”

 

With that, she finally left. Thank God.

 

[God liked that.]

 

Nick straightened his hat, and lit a cigarette, placing it in his mouth next to his other cigarette. “So, postmature ejaculations.”

 

Danse handed Nick the book. “Read for yourself.”

 

“Alright, let's see.” He mumbled as he read. “I had a problem like this. Couldn't cum either.”

 

“Keep reading.”

 

“So, your,” he chose his words carefully. “prostate rusted over, making buttramming nearly unpleasurable? And they fixed it with Nuka Cola??”

 

Danse nodded.

 

“Yes, Nicko, they fixed me. It went a little something like this...”

 

The room began to spin and slowly started playing Sixty Minute Man.

 

They were now in a rusty shack. Nate and Danse were chasing each other on all fours across the bed while Nick's back was wonderglued to the wall and he was a Nixon mask.

 

The voice of Danse's conscience said, “We cannot see that who is a crook. Watch carefully and learn, little bro.”

 

Nate tackled Danse and they were rolling around on the bed. Nick's eyes wanted to look away, but his brain wanted to keep watching. He had a sexy brain with lots of sexy urges.

 

Nate got up and went to the fridge.

 

“Yeah, buddy, Nick's bro said that this might work.”

 

“But does it have to be that cold?”

 

“'Cold is what kills mold' he said. Here, hold this funnel.”

 

Danse held the funnel by two fingers while Nate opened the icy cold bottle of Nuka Cola. Nate then pointed at Danse's rear.

 

“There! That's where it goes! Right there!”

 

“Here?”

 

“Here.”

 

“Here?”

 

“Here!”

 

“Oh! Right here.”

 

Nick couldn't believe his eyes. They were gonna do it right there in front of him. If he could, he would be sweating. Also, if he did not have robotic dysfunction, he would be harder than a glowing radstag.

 

Nate lubed up the tiny end of the funnel and slipped it in. Yes! Yes! And then shut the fucking door! Soon, the butthole was filling with cola. He then spread even amounts of Aunt Jemima maple syrup all over the inside of his legs.

 

The (love) shack, baby, was beginning to fill with bloatflies. Yes! Then Danse bent over and he put his head between his legs and he came in a clear, impressive, Ron Hubbard type voice. He yelled “New York!”

 

And the shack and everything lifted up, out of the Commonwealth and into the skyyyyyyyy!!!!!

 

_Paladin Danse, yeah yeah_

_Paladin Danse,_ _P_ _aladin Danse_

_Paladin Danse, yeah yeah_

_Paladin Danse,_ _P_ _aladin Danse_

_He's filling his butthole with nuka cola all around_

_His legs will be covered in flies that will be buzzing all around_

_Paladin Danse, he's really out of sight_

_Paladin Danse, he does it every night_

_Paladin Danse, he treats the bloatflies alright_

_Paladin Danse, that's why they never bite!_

 

The shack floated into the clouds and the image faded back to reality

 

“You like it, Nick?”

 

Nick was still wearing his Nixon mask. He tore it off to reveal a twisted and horrified face.

 

“I have the strangest boner right now, Danse.”

 

They looked down and there was a bloatfly attached to Nick's crotch. Nate shot it and gave Nick a pat on the back.

 

“Sorry about that. Sometimes the memories bring back artifacts. Just gotta shoot them a little and they won't bother anymore.”

 

They all laughed about it and went into the other room to get their orgy on. But, that is for another time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The part where it gets really surreal is a reference to Billy The Mountain which has had a significant influence on my sense of humor and writing style.


End file.
